My little Kyle is a happy, good-spirited toddler who spends much of his time showing us affection. Lately, however, he’s begun to hit and scratch me when I don’t give in to his demands.“An instant timeout,” is the first thing that would come to my mind in a situation like this, but, initially, after trying this method, I found out I needed more than just timeout strategy for this type of toddler behavior.
Two Sunday afternoons ago Kyle asked, “Daddy, can I have some M&M’s?” When I replied ,”No,” he went into a rage, losing control of his body to severe spasms while crying at the top of his lungs! His eyes got wider as he stared right through me, and that’s when the unthinkable (in my mind) occurred for the first time; he put his once cute hand on my right arm and actually tried to take a chunk of skin off by deeply scratching me! I reacted the wrong way, probably because it was totally unexpected and because I was startled by his behavior more than anything else.
“Oooouuuchhhh!” I yelped. I angrily pointed at him and said, “No. You don’t hurt Daddy or anyone else, you have a timeout.” Wouldn’t you know, he didn’t resist the timeout like he normally does and he sat there in his little timeout corner for a good two minutes before I informed him his timeout was over. He behaved rather well for the next few hours and all was fine until 7:00 PM Eastern that same night.
I was snuggling with Kyle while watching TV on this lazy Sunday night, and for a brief moment I could have sworn the TV show’s volume was beginning to fade as the “Jaws” theme (dum-dum-dum-da-tum) started faintly playing in the back of my mind. The ”Jaws” theme continued getting closer and closer when–Bam!!! Kyle struck me square in the face with an open hand! “Why, that little hammerhead,” I thought. “Did he just do what I think he did?”
I struggled not to overreact and luckily, as upset as I was for a split second and not to mention this strong little boy stung me with a splendid right hook Muhammad Ali would have been proud of, I calmly and sternly instructed Kyle not to hit Daddy or anyone else for that matter. His reaction was a mischievous smile and another “Whack,” this time on my forehead. I held firm! I said, “Kyle, you don’t hit.” Well, he did stop hitting that night.
It’s two Sundays later and he seems to have corrected his behavior. I believe I have been successful so far for two simple reasons.
For the scratching, here’s what I do:
I try not to show him any type of unfavorable reaction when he hits and instead correct his behavior by talking to him sternly, in a normal tone. One of the worst things you can do in a trying situation with any child is to overreact with far too much undue attention because oftentimes children misbehave just to get your attention.
For the hitting:
I quit physically horse-playing with him the way I used to, at least for now. I used to put my hands on Kyle’s cheeks and move him from side to side in an overly playful manner while he would try getting at me to return the favor. Oh, yeah, we had loads of laughs, but I think this is what caused the problem in the first place. He simply could not distinguish when it was appropriate to play, so he would smack me as an invitation to roll around like cubs.