I guess this must be a “man” thing. By nature, most of us are the “misbehaviour enablers”–that is–we routinely spoil a child and let our kids get away with everything knowing in the back of our minds we have our wives to do all the “grunt work” and be the “bad guys”- actually, “gals.”

In my home a common scenario is as follows:
It’s dinnertime but dinner’s not ready because Mom and Dad worked late or simply started cooking or preparing dinner after the Dr. Phil Show. “Daddy, Kyle hungry,” my son announces in the third person. “I want some M&M’s.” Now the last thing that would ever cross my wife’s mind would be to actually even entertain his whiny request, but, me-remember, I’m a man, I hear different hues in his tiny voice so I reach for the little candy stash in the cupboard and pull out a fresh bag of jumbo-sized M&M’s! Now Mom walks into the kitchen and does her best not to pull her hair out and scream, “Arghhh.”

Now the wheels turn in my mind and I’m scheming. “But Baby,” I say in a whimper, “By the time I give Kyle a warm bath he’ll be hungry all over again.” My wife just shakes her head and I breathe a sigh of relief, because every man knows head shaking is a worthwhile substitute for a smack on your husband’s head!

It’s 1:00 A.M., little Kyle didn’t eat dinner, he’s still awake, and my wife is giving me the “evil eye.” “Sorry,” is all I can muster. Now Kyle begins to cry. “Go get him and see what he wants,” my wife barks. Without hesitation I jump out of bed and find Kyle meeting me halfway in the hallway, knowing exactly what he wants. A cup of chocolate milk! Ahhh, what does my wife know, I tell myself convincingly, Kyle’s fine and he’ll fall asleep within the next few minutes. And he does.

Let’s see everything I’ve managed to accomplish in one night on the way to spoil my child; I fed Kyle junk food instead of a balanced, healthy meal, I caused him, us, and our neighbors to wake up in the middle of the night out of hunger pangs, and I once again violated the parenting code of ethics-I put all the pressure on my wife to discipline and raise our child correctly and prudently while weaseling my way into my toddler’s heart! 

I wonder if I’ll ever learn as I lean back and look at the stars from this wood-rotted, smelly doghouse.  “Well, Goliath, it looks like it’s me and you again tonight, do me a favor “Boy”- quit licking me and turn your face the other way.