The first thing we can do as parents is to think of obvious toddler activities we can engage in depending on where we go,  For example, if we’re going to a beach, don’t just plan on letting your toddler walk around and take a swim with you in the water.  This is a great opportunity to build a sandcastle using the shovel and pail you just bought at the local Kmart!

If you’re visiting a pool, aside from the protective floats on your toddler’s arms, bring along something else that’s safe and floats in the water.  My son loves to bring along his little red boat when we visit a pool, and he can literally be entertained for a few hours!  Find objects your toddler loves; they’ll be so happy you did.  By the way – don’t forget the sunscreen!

If you’re visiting a park which contains ducks, and you’re allowed to feed them, by all means bring along a cheap loaf of bread.  The $1.00 loaf will bring a thousand memories to your toddler as you continue that tradition into his or her adolescent years.  Be careful with these adorable creatures-they can bite.  I love to stand on a bench with my toddler to keep out of harm’s way when we feed the ducks.  Haven’t you noticed even senior citizens love this activity?

Activities for toddlers abound if you put your mind to it and search for something for them to do, no matter where you go.

Pacifiers have been known to create problems in toddler speech because of the awkward positioning of the lip and tongue muscles while using the pacifier as opposed to how toddlers position these areas naturally when they speak.

Middle ear infections are also more prevalent in toddlers who use pacifiers, and the possible misalignment of their teeth has been widely known for quite some time now.

As much as I hate to tell you, the toddler pacifier your child has come to depend on so much-the one that has saved your sanity on many occasions can become the enemy after your toddler turns two!

Getting rid of the pacifier is no easy task but it can be done.  The whole idea is to slowly and gradually distance them from their pacifier.  Consider using this step-by-step approach and the toddler pacifier may become a thing of your child’s past sooner than you think:

During The Daytime

The first thing your toddler will look for upon awakening is their trusty pacifier.  Distract your toddler with a book, video, or a toy until your toddler begins to cry, then try to soothe and distract them once again.  Give them their pacifier if their discomfort doesn’t subside after 2-3 minutes.

If your toddler attends a daycare it’ll be much harder to wean them off their pacifier but not impossible.  The key is to make it clear to the daycare staff that your child is in the process of not using a pacifier any longer and you can reinforce this message by no longer providing a pacifier when your toddler starts to show progress of not needing one all the time while in your presence.

When you run errands or go out during the day take the pacifier with you, but only give it to your toddler in extreme cases such as when they’re having a fit and you’ve exhausted every other means of comforting your child.  Once again, soothing and distracting your toddler with other objects can work wonders in these cases.
At Night

Start by withholding it from your toddler at bedtime while you soothe him or her with a lullabye, caressing their hair and talking to them quietly.  If they can’t fall asleep, if they start to cry, or if they start sucking on their thumb, try to keep soothing them for at least 2-3 minutes before giving them the pacifier.  

These “get rid of toddler pacifier” tips can work wonders but remember; this is a big step in your toddler’s life.  Withholding the pacifier from them gradually using the “soothe and distract” technique without making them suffer too much, and being patient is the biggest key!

Simple Parenting Tips for Handling Toddlers
By: Angeline

Toddlers would be referring to the age of 1-3 years old. This is the time when they learn so fast but yet still could not really express fully and clearly what they want or need. The following are the usual 3 situations where most parents would find it hard to handle their toddlers.

1 Whining

If your child whines when she wants something, encourage her to stop whining and ask nicely. “Mavis, stop whining for a drink, ask nicely.”

Show her how to ask properly. “Mavis, tell mummy….’mummy, can I have a drink, please?’”

Use a pleasant voice and praise your child when she has done what you have requested. “Well done, Mavis. You have asked very nicely. Yes, you can have the drink.”

2 Going Shopping

Before you go into the shop with your child, remind her of the rules you would like her to follow.

“Stay close to mummy and daddy.” “Ask mummy and daddy first before you touch anything.” “Walk when you are in the shop.”

Suggest rewards if your child follows the rules.”When you do what mummy and daddy tell you, we will bring you to the playground after we leave the shop.”

Remember, always praise your child when she did well.

3 Resisting the seat belt

Many toddlers strongly object to being confined in a car seat, especially if they are physically active.

The best time to start using a car seat is when your child is still a baby and to put your child in a car seat every time, without exception, she travels in a car.

Make “belting up” a habit, instead of an instruction. This would come naturally if the habit started when she is a baby and she can see that you, her role model, belt up too.

If the habit was not established since young, then you will need to tell your child that she could climb into the seat herself, or you will put her in. Follow through and put her in the car seat if she doesn’t climb in herself.

Look for good behaviour and offer praise when your child cooperates. “Great job, Mavis, good girl. You can climb into your seat yourself.”

Reward good behaviour. Say in a pleasant voice, “When you’re in your car seat, you may have a sticker.”

Empower your child. Let your child choose a favourite “car toy” to take in the car. Make sure the toy is safe and soft so that it does not hurt anyone if you stop the car suddenly.

Children learn by modelling. Show her how you put your seat belt on.

Toddlers respond best to the tone of your voice, not the words you say. So practice to manage your own emotions, take control of your tone.

Angeline, mother of 2 boys, grew up in a family of violence & financial difficulty. Her passion is to help parents realise that understanding their child is the key.. allaboutyourchild.com

The most important thing I took away from this toddler discipline article was how we can get our kids to respond more favorably by controlling the tone of our voice, not by the words we choose.   

I believe we as human beings can get so caught up in our personal lives, trying to make a good life for our families, that we sometimes overlook the importance of bonding with our children and spending quality time with them as well.  I’ve certainly fallen into this trap every now and then.

Yesterday afternoon, reality struck me in the chest like a ton of bricks!  I was talking to a 15 year old female who has been in and out of jail numerous times, some for very serious offenses.

It struck me as odd how a cute, well-groomed, personable child like her with a golden smile could be at such a disadvantage in life.  Well, I asked, and I got the answer. 

I asked cautiously, “Do you live with your birth-parents?”  She replied in a sweet tone, “No sir.”  “Who do you live with?” She shyly said, “My foster parents.”

I was apprehensive about asking this next question so I thought about it for all of two seconds before a voice in my head said “here goes.”  “Do your foster parents ever give you a hug.”  She replied in what appeared to be a very sincere manner, “No, why?”

Her answer stunned me, even though I anticipated correctly what her answer would be.  Surely, at least at one time, she had to have received love and affection from whomever her legal custodians were at some point in her life, right?”

Most likely, what she meant to say was that she was not receiving any type of affection in her household and she couldn’t remember when and if she did.  I thought about my childhood immediately, and I vividly remembered being hugged and loved throughout my life! 

I felt immediate rage, and in my head I was cursing every single parent who was neglecting their own flesh and blood in such a manner, and just before I ended mng with her I told her this to ease my own pain, “Don’t go through life making excuses for getting in trouble.  Start taking care of you-nobody’s going to do it for you, but you! If I were your parent, I would unconditionally be giving you 10 hugs a day.  I don’t even know you, but you’re important to me, and tonight while I’m enjoying time with my happy family, I’m going to be thinking about how I wish you were happy just like us.”

When I left her side my eyes were watering, I had a knot in my throat, and I was fighting back the tears on an elevator ride on my way to the parking lot. 

I guess I was choked up because I had gotten to the point where I had heard the same old story again and again and I had to face reality; not every child has the same chance at succeeding in life, and many face insurmountable obstacles!

It turns out this child was adopted at the age of 2 as a toddler because her mother and father were in prison for serious offenses including drugs and robberies.  The worst part is she carries that knowledge with her and reveals this information matter-of-factly, as if she feels a need to get it out in the open as a means of expressing her anger.   

Now, there are many foster parents who do a wonderful job raising children out of the kindness of their souls, and indeed many bond with their kids as if they were originally their own blood! 

But folks, I’ve seen this lack of parenting affection time and time again, usually from birth-parents.  Of course kids have to adhere to a certain type of structure molded by us as parents, but they need nurturing and affection, too.

Show me a child who’s in serious trouble at school or with the law, and I’ll bet it’s a child who hasn’t had a chance to lovingly bond with a parent or parents.  I firmly believe bonding with children breeds respect and love from those children.

I hug my children several times on a daily basis, and say as many ”I love you’s” as I can before I start sounding tiresome!

Today, I want to spread this simple message;  parents, don’t underestimate the power of a hug.  Your children need one that only you can give, on a daily basis.     

Even so, preventing toddler biting can be much easier if you know why a toddler bites other people, and the most common reasons are:

1.  They get angry and use it as a means of communicating their anger because they still haven’t learned an alternative method to deal with these types of emotions. 

2.  They imitate other toddlers’ behavior.

3.  To get attention from people around them.

4.  They’re teething.

5.  To gain control of situations such as fighting over a toy with another toddler.

It’s important to understand that until they’re about 24 months old, toddlers can’t understand their biting is actually physically hurting the other person!  Keeping this fact in mind can put preventing toddler biting into perspective; it won’t be easy, but since it involves for the most part, learned behavior, you can certainly do something about it.

Try the tips if your toddler bites others, or if you want to help any toddler correct their biting habit:

1.  When it happens, make it clear right away that their behavior is unacceptable in a firm, but empathetic manner.  Never show anger; the child will most likely revert to trying to get a reaction from you again in the future.

2.  If the bite victim is crying, calmly explain to the biter that they hurt the other child and emphasize they’re crying because of the bite, that you understand the biter’s emotions, but that they need to deal with their emotions without hurting others.

3.   This goes without saying; once you’ve identified a biter in any group, observe them closely while they’re playing, and prevent the biting before it begins.  If you see the biter get into a conflict step in and help that child deal with their emotions too the best of your ability before the biting occurs.

In summary, you can be successful in preventing toddler biting by understanding the causes, by stopping the action before it begins, and by using positive reinforcement once it occurs.  

First, understand that dining with kids in a restauraunt for the first few times can be difficult because your children simply may not be used to this type of environment.  They’ve been consistently stuffing their mouths with your home-cooked meals and Gerber desserts in the comfort of their very own high chairs, and they have no idea what to expect in a restaurant.

It’s important to gradually introduce restaurants to your kids so they can feel more comfortable with every visit.  Start with a healthy fast food restaurant such as a Wendy’s, where the atmosphere is usually not too quiet and consider graduating to your favorite local breakfast restaurant so your child can ex-perience what it’s like to have a server make your dining experience pleasurable.

Once you start dining with kids, here are a few important points to consider:

1.  Come prepared!  Bring a baby bag with a couple of books, a handful of entertaining but quiet toys, and your child’s favorite snacks just in case the food takes a little too long to be served.

2.  It’s a good idea to request a table in the rear of the restaurant until your child proves he or she can manage to behave appropriately.  This will take some pressure off you if your child starts to get out of hand, and this in turn, will help you regain control of the situation.  Imagine this happening while you’re front and center in a fancy restaurant; arrrgh!!

 3.  If your child starts to misbehave, speak to him or her in a normal tone and explain how children are to conduct themselves appropriately in a restaurant.  If they don’t react favorably explain to them you’ll have to take them outside if they don’t correct their behavior because they are ruining other diners’ experiences at the restaurant. 

Then, if your child doesn’t stop, make good on your promise and take them outside while explaining why you’re taking this action, and come back into the restaurant in about five minutes.  If your child continues repeat the process until either (a) they comply, or (b) you’ve had enough and figure you’ll try again sometime in the near future.  Either way, reinforce to your child how they should behave and don’t forget to praise them when they do behave.

Things you shouldn’t do:
1. Don’t get into an argument with the stuffy people next to you talking about your child and giving you dirty looks because as irritating as their actions are, all restaurant patrons deserve a chance at having a quiet, peaceful meal, and you’ll set the wrong example for your child.

2. Don’t yell at your child for misbehaving! When they see how their misbehavior in a restaurant affects you negatively, they’ll know exactly what buttons to push for the next time. Yes-we all know; kids are that smart!

By the editors of Parenting Magazine

• Your baby’s first friend
• How social skills develop
• The importance of parallel play
• Helping a shy child
• Top playdate problems
• Buddy breakups
• Summary

Overview

Your child’s social development begins from the moment she enters the world  – think of the adorable gazing, smiles, and coos. But her first real friendships won’t begin until the toddler years. Here’s what you need to know about your child’s social development, age-by-age, and how to help her build positive relationships with her peers.

Your baby’s first friend: You

After being thrust into the bright, loud world, your baby relies on you as her main source of comfort  – partly because she can already recognize your voice from hearing it in the womb. Faces are also an important part of an infant’s social experience. Experts aren’t sure why, but babies seem to be genetically programmed to recognize and be attracted to faces, even those in illustrations, photographs, or videos. One study showed that newborns pay much closer attention to a drawing of a face with the eyes, mouth, and nose in their proper places than to a drawing in which the facial elements are scrambled.

Your words are also crucial to your baby, even if she can’t understand them at first. Learning to make sense of language is one of the most important social-development factors. You can be sure that every time you speak to your child, she’s listening intently to make sense of the meaning.

How social skills develop, age by age

1-year-olds: It’s all about self-control
At this age, your child’s friends will be the ones whose moms or dads you know. But just because he sees these children regularly doesn’t mean he’ll willingly give up his bear or stacking rings for them to play with. Kids this age don’t yet understand the concept of sharing, and they think that whatever is in their hands belongs to them. So you’ll have to step in and help your child share on playdates.

2-year-olds: It’s all about giving them words
Most toddlers have learned to speak well enough that parents can begin to teach them some phrases that will help them express their feelings. Then they won’t have to hit or grab as much, for instance. Still, it’s a good idea to limit playdates to about an hour and vary the activities so the kids can wind down by coloring or reading a book. That can prevent meltdowns. It’s also smart to stick around to smooth out any altercations. Another trick: Use a kitchen timer and let the kids take turns playing with certain toys.

3-year-olds: It’s all about nurturing friendships
Once they’re in preschool, children can find a buddy without much encouragement from you. It may be another child who has a similar interest or laughs at the same things he does, or it could be someone with a totally opposite personality. It’s hard to predict which of these early relationships will last longer than a school year, but the chances are better with support from both sets of parents. An enjoyable outing with that child’s whole family can strengthen the bond even more.

4-year-olds: It’s all about widening circles
Kids at this age begin to see themselves as part of a more complex social scene. They’ll start to form groups, although these aren’t by any means cliques  – they’re pretty fluid. Your child may not know how to join a group, whether it’s his classmates at school or a bunch of children at the playground. You can start by giving him some words, such as “Hi, I’m Larry, and I’d like to play too.” Or you can encourage him to come up with an idea for a game or to think of ways he can fit into one that’s in progress. He can offer to be “It” or anything else that will make the other kids want to include him.

5-year-olds: It’s all about refining their skills
By kindergarten, most children are social beings, with a range of friends they cherish and who cherish them. Though they’re perfectly able to pick their own playmates, they still need to learn how to assert themselves and choose buddies who treat them well and make them feel good. Your child may be playing a lot with someone who never lets him take the lead, for example. This is an age at which you can begin to talk to kids about what that feels like and what kind of friendships they’d like to have instead. Teach your child phrases that can help him get what he wants, such as “It’s my turn to be the leader” or “I want to be first today.” Or tell him he can try playing with someone else who’s better at turn-taking.

The importance of parallel play

Researchers have noted that toddlers form strong emotional attachments to certain playmates, becoming excited when they see them. But it takes a while for babies to reach that level of socialization. Place two infants next to each other and, after some initial excitement and curiosity, they will probably ignore each other, unless one of them starts to cry and triggers the same response in the second child. While the children may be physically close, each seems to be pursuing her own agenda. Even their “conversation” reflects this split. Their words sound like two independent monologues rather than a dialogue. (“Big truck.” “I pet the puppy.” “Vroom, vroom.” “Bad dog!”)

This type of parallel play, as it is known, is the beginning of more complex peer relationships. A few years down the road, your child will discover that friendship is a kind of laboratory in which she’ll experiment on handling emotions and practicing new skills. And the interactions she has had with you through speech, play, and even just cuddling will have provided the foundation for successful, long-lasting friendships.

Helping a shy child make friends

Before you try to do your little one a favor by setting up lots of playdates, remember it’s not the number of pals your child has that’s important. One or two close ones will be enough to help him feel more comfortable about friendships. To help kids navigate their social world a little more easily:

Birth to 3 years

Do:

Set a foundation by organizing playgroups with other babies or toddlers. This will let your child learn to feel comfortable when interacting with new people.

Don’t:

Overwhelm him with too many social occasions. Little ones need downtime, too.

3 to 5 years

Do:

Set a loose agenda for playdates  – it’ll make your preschooler feel less anxious. For example, have him choose two games he’d like to play, and tell him to give his guest these options when she arrives.

Don’t:

Invite too many kids over for too long a time. One child for one hour is plenty to start with.

5 to 8 years

Do:

Find a noncompetitive activity that plays to your grade-schooler’s strengths, such as art or dance classes, Boy Scouts, or martial arts. If the group is small, he’s more likely to find like-minded kids he can be pals with.

Don’t:

Insist that your child’s friends be the same age. A younger buddy can make a shy child feel more socially comfortable and competent.

8 to 12 years

Do:

Talk to your child’s teacher, who can pair him up with supportive classmates when working on projects. You can also encourage your preteen to tutor a younger child. It’s a great way to develop the skills he needs for other social interactions.

Don’t:

Ask your tween whether he’s made any friends at school. A socially withdrawn child often wishes he weren’t, and frequent comments about friendships will just make him more anxious.

Your top playdate problems  – solved

Someone won’t share: One strong-willed child is an interesting challenge. Two strong-willed children makes for a tough playdate. So play matchmaker. Maybe your bossy girl is more comfortable playing with kids who are younger and will let her call the shots. Or perhaps she finds it easier to play with older kids, who are indisputably in charge. While playdates are a way to teach sharing, there’s no need to make them extra hard by having two kids with personalities that don’t match.

Somebody’s left out: When it’s a one-on-one playdate, this won’t happen. But add another kid to the mix and it can be a different story. To make sure everyone plays together, lay down the law beforehand. Tell your kids that you want them to include everyone and play nicely. Ask that other parents do the same. A heads-up can go a long way toward averting hurt feelings.

Your child can’t say goodbye: You think you’re dropping your child off at a playdate but she clutches your leg in a viselike grip? To help her adjust, try making the transition more fun. Give your child toys or snacks she can show and share with her friends right away. You can also play for a minute or two to give her time to settle in.

Buddy breakups

Sadly, it’s inevitable that at some point, your child will get dumped by a pal. When it happens, here’s what you can do to help her feel better:

Be sympathetic. This is a big deal to her, so don’t minimize or dismiss what she’s feeling. Let her know you’re there to listen, and even share a story from your own past.

Don’t badmouth the other kid. It’s tempting, but try to stay above the fray and let the kids work it out. (For one thing, it’ll be awkward if your child ends up being friends with her again.)

Go over what happened. Sometimes kids don’t realize that they may have played a role in the demise of a friendship. Ask if they had a fight or if the friend seemed angry recently.

Talk up friendship. A true friend doesn’t just abandon someone for the sake of being thought of as “cooler.” Remind your child of this and encourage her to shift her focus to more loyal pals.

When your child’s at fault:

• Let her know you’re not happy with the way she handled things.
• Ask him how he would feel if he were treated that way.
• Point out that kids won’t want to be friends with someone who’s untrustworthy.
• Remind your child that you still expect her to be nice to everybody.

Summary

It takes time and practice for kids to build friendships. Until he starts making friends on his own, your child’s many social interactions  – with you, and with his peers  – will give him all the skills he needs to be a great pal. And over time, he’ll likely gravitate, as most of us do, to the people he has fun with and the ones who really care about him.

So what do I do when my child “freaks out” and loses all control?

Here’s an easy guide to coping with a toddler temper tantrum I’ve used successfully when my kid turns into a werewolf:

1.  Understand what a temper tantrum is; it’s a reaction usually triggered by frustration when children don’t “get their way.”  Keep in mind it can also occur when children aren’t getting enough attention, when they’re experiencing a physical problem such as a stomach ache, or simply because they’re tired and/or sleepy.

2.  You can try to avoid your toddler having a temper tantrum if you know what triggers the tantrum by distracting them with another object or simply changing the subject.

3.  Try your best not to become angry.  If you lose control it’ll make their temper tantrum more intense and it’ll probably last much longer.  Take a few deep breaths and retain your composure.  Stay fairly close to them but don’t touch them unless you believe they’re in danger of hurting themselves, and talk to them in a normal tone while firmly explaining what you expect and how there will be consequences for their behavior.

4.  Once the toddler temper tantrum has run its course, calmly restate what you expect from the child and explain to them their behavior was unacceptable.  Of course they’ll have a temper tantrum in the future, but if you continue planting a seed by letting them know what’s expected, you’ll have a huge head start in helping your child lessen, or git red of temper tantrums.     

I’ve naturally created a strong emotional bond with my kids since the day they were born!  I accomplished this by talking to them, singing to them, holding them lovingly in my arms, being playful with them, and most importantly, by sincerely telling them “I love you” all the time. 

With our lifestyles today, spending quality family time has become increasingly difficult.  For many of us, because of our work schedules, it takes much sacrifice to put ourselves in a position to bond with our children.  But I assure you, no matter what situation you’re in, you can eventually dedicate an ideal amount of time to your kids.  

I’ll give you a great example of how I sacrificed my professional life to devote more time to my children; in March of 2008 after 7 years of being employed part-time by Major League Baseball as one of 12 Field Observers across the country, I decided to retire so I could spend more quality time with my family.  Yes, I lost a lot of money, not to mention a prestigious position, and it put us in a financial strain at times, but my family and I have never been happier. 

During this last year, I’ve also cut back drastically on working extra hours in my main career, and I’ve started this blog and two others, all so I could stay home and be with my family.  I literally let go thousands of dollars (somewhere in the 20,000 to 25,000 range)!  Of course there are many luxuries we can’t afford like we used to, and we need to keep a much closer eye on our finances, but we’ve done it!  And I can tell you this; the emotional bond everyone has in this household with each other is absolutely unbreakable!

I believe each and every one of us has the opportunity and a choice of whether or not we want to make sacrifices to be with our families.  If you’re a business owner, maybe you can cut back on hours spent at work by giving another responsible employee extra hours, or you can hire someone else to do some of the work.  If you’re out in the work force, maybe you can turn down overtime sometimes and stress to your employer you enjoy spending time at home with your family.  They’ll soon get the picture and eventually lean on someone else!  

You may find yourself in a position where you’re going to have to bite the bullet and continue working long hours to get ahead for whatever reason.  That’s understandable!  But wouldn’t it make sense to start setting goals and planning how you intend to dedicate more family time in the near future, so you don’t let the same work cycle repeat itself.

No one on this planet can convince me that it’s impossible to make better use of their time so they can spend it with their family.  I’m a firm believer in “every problem has a solution,” and it’s this attitude that’s helped me prevail through life’s hardships. 

I still occasionally work extra hours away from home, but I end almost every night with a bedtime story for my kids, a hug and a kiss, and an “I love you.”  In doing so, I reinforce all the feelings of closeness I’ve shared with them throughout that particular day, even if I only had a chance to spend a few minutes with them. 

You see, I’ve learned one of life’s biggest lessons the hard way.  Working 12-16 hours a day for extended periods?  Been there, done that.  I’ve been guilty of working hard to get ahead in my professional life at the expense of family life. Preoccupied with household chores and other responsibilities to the point where exhaustion prevents you from spending time with your family?  Been there, done that, too!

It all comes down to priorities.  “I know, I know, but I have to make a living for my family,” you say.  This is understandable, especially in today’s economy.  For years now in the US, the cost of living has increased consistently well beyond salary increases, leaving a gaping hole in middle class America.  You’re either doing very well, struggling, or extremely poor these days.  Middle class families with actual money in their savings account are almost bordering on extinction! 

But if you’re not spending quality time with your family, I believe you have to ask yourself the million dollar question;  what am I on this earth for if it’s not to enjoy a fulfilling life for my family and myself?  Fulfillment can mean different things for different people except when we’re talking about our children.  This is where the overwhelming majority of us agree; we all want our children to be healthy and to have fulfilling, productive lives.  It’s very difficult to guide them there if you don’t invest your time in raising them, spending time with them, and creating strong emotional bonds with them.

In part 2 I’ll reveal what has worked for me, how I’ve dealt with struggling to balance my professional and personal life, and how I’ve won the battle within myself to make the right choices for my family’s benefit!